Cherylstweedy's Blog

I haven't been on in forever and it doesn't surprise me, for the first time in my life (although it is thanks to the internet) I have an amazing reason to turn off the computer screen.  I'm still saving pictures of my celebs and keeping up with some celeb gossip of course, but yeah if I don't get back to you or whatnot it's nothing personal.

Sitting in class this morning (fuckin blizzard and we're one of 2 schools in the county not closed) and this girl I don't like, spoiled brat. is taking about her date. A date that takes place in May. This fucking guy asked her out and is taking her to see Fall Out Boy. Why the fuck don't boys invite me to FOB concerts. He's paying for food the tickets everything.  Just another way she's being frickin spoiled. Fabulous.

I was putting away my work key in an office when lying on the table I saw the giant magazine fall out boy were inside.  I'm a bad person because I stole it and do not plan on returning it. I called every store that I could get to and not a single one carried it. That's me trying to feel better for stealing, I think it's working.

HQ's of Pete and Michelle. If anyone actually reads this, I could care less who he's with aslong as I get pics of him.

 

Yah!

http://forums.superiorpics.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php/Cat/0/Number/917376/an/0/page/0#917376

 

edit: Ooh found an HQ of one I already had

http://www.fileden.com/pview.php?fid=53414&fname=57693_Michelle_122_336lo.jpg

Just saw the new PATD vid. Um wow. I don't think I like any of it minus the last few seconds. It's just wow. It's not like I have to see the guys every shot, but this just wow. In theory it's well...an interesting concept, but beyond that I just don't think I like it.

Anyways just needed to remember my first impression so later when I fall in love with the video I'll remember this moment in time.

         I was walking down the hall and heard someone say 'Pete Wentz' so I froze. It came from the girl's room who had a small picture of Pete from the 'fashion rocks' mag. Another girl then went on to say he was a bitch, bastard, and another rude word. Of course I had to keep listening. She couldn't even name all four of the members. She was supposed to go to their show in DC apparently, but the night before her mom said no. Her friend called from the show and had Andy talk to the girl over the phone. Her friend had to introduce him as the drummer because she didn't know his name.

       Now my issues. She hasn't even met Pete and acted like she knew him and had hung out with him in order to know those things. The not knowing their names thing can be justified if she just loves the music, but I did not get the impression she even owned the album(s).

I'm just as bad assuming things, but it really made me mad for some reason. She said some other things I just don't want to repeat. I'm not mad anymore...just thinking about how we judge people, me included, so much. Especially the people we don't even know.

Started out this day pissed off. I hate meeting with my psychiatrist. He's a psycho polypharmacist so every time I meet him he adds another pill or ups a dosage. Then I was pissed off, because I flip to and MTV and wham there's Pete interviewing someone on the red carpet. Someone could have told me, maybe the 6 sites I check to keep up with Fall Out Boy and other bands TV schedules. It's okay though because seeing him ended up making me happy in the long run. Plus they replay it saturday at 9am so I'll tape it then. I'm trying to be positive. This journal had no other purpose then I'm bored, have no friends, and don't do messageboards.

P.s. World Cup starts tomorrow WitWoo!

Someone said that to me the other day. Sadly I think there is a lot of truth in it. Reading one quote...one sentence can turn my day completely around. I've been thinking a lot about something Pete said in an interview an ickle bit ago. I think one of the problems with the internet is that none of us really stop and think that there are real people on the other end. It's so easy hidden behind a computer to spew out all the things in real life you'd never have the guts to say. Just the same it's easy for the bullies in real life to transfer it to the internet.

What hurts the most about the bullying is it's rarely aimed at the superficial part of you. Sure pictures are shared, comments derived from nothing accusing you of being ugly, but that's not the real problem with the internet. The real problem is they aim at you. They aim at who you are whether or not you know who that is yet. Having someone take apart your every word and feel they can draw from that who you are is scary. It especially applies to celebrities, but now it's transcended on to everyone else.

Someone from one of my [previously] favorite band called me catty and informed an associate of mine that their American fans were ugly catty bitches. It derived almost all that from what I said on their official message board. He instantly labeled me, because of my occasional sarcasm. I wish I was strong enough to say it didn't bother me, but when someone who you really admire their work shoots you down it's not so easy to get back up. The reason I'm not a fan anymore isn't because of that, it's because all the new material in my opinion isn't good. I wasn't going to pretend to be a fan. Even having bad feelings toward numerous members of the band. (One tried to get me to sleep with him just cause I liked his band) All I've been able to do is move on with some reflection. Whether the comments spewed out are obvious crap or not occasionally it is good to reevaluate who you are, what you've become, but you can't let it rule you. People are going to often hate you for no reason, but often online you can't tell.

As per usual the thoughts that were running through my mind earlier didn't even come out. Things got twisted. What I know is that internet bullying hurts, it ruins lives just as bad if not worse then bullying around you. I don't think about the band too often anymore. Someone I casually chat with is still a fan and keeps me filled in, but it seems the more they go down as guys the better their career is going. They'll be releasing their debut album in the UK later this summer. They'll even be touring with some absolute legends as opening acts. It just shows what Pete says at a different point of the article. I can't find it...wow. I haven't slept in a few days, doing a lot of reading [research for fun not fob interviews] and writing. Thrown me off a bit anyways he just talks about all the mean people in the business.

Again way off topic. I really shouldn't be allowed to type either.

I can't stop thinking about regrets. That's what happens when you read the Q&A section at fobrocks. My fear is having all those regrets. I'm only 18 and I already have some and I fear the list is just going to get bigger and bigger. I want to live a life where even if I do something stupid I can just say I learned from it and move on. It's just so hard when you're regret involves other people. I've spent most of my life trying not to hurt people, but all I seem to do is the opposite.

My three regrets:

Middle School - It hurts so much to think of things I did back then. I talked and gossiped about people. I know it doesn't sound a big deal, but how can I consider myself a good person if I didn't even care about how all the talk would effect their lives. The scars from school don't disappear. Words I said back then still have a lasting effect. I know they have with me. All the nasty things people said about me really hurt, still hurt.

Part of me wants to not regret it, because I know without it I wouldn't be who I am today. I wouldn't know how horrible it is to toy with people and talk behind their backs. Leaving middle school I knew I never wanted to be that person again and I truly believe I've followed through.

Not living - I haven't really started doing that yet. I've spent years dreaming about it, but making that first step appears to be the hardest. Knowing how awful people can be it's scary to put yourself out there. I only just recently made my first real friend. Yet it doesn't feel like a true relationship, because she barely knows anything about me. Just the surface things I've let her see. Either way I suppose it is a step which I hope will lead to a life finally worth living.

Living - A few months ago I tried to take my life and I honestly regret living. My life is ten times worse then before my hospital visit. I'd give anything to go back to that knowing things could honestly be worse. It's really hard to inspire yourself to live, when you have no reason to.